Hope

Hope. It is so easy to let go of it and sometimes even easier to cling on to it. This year has been maddening. I have cried. I have contemplated suicide. I have spoken to my friends about things – been miserable, did not want to spend any time with anyone and then things have also changed. Time has humbled me. Time has taught me a lot. I was unemployed since the 1st of July 2011. Things were not going in my favour. I was almost close to depression. I would not attend family gatherings. I would not meet too many friends. I would ditch them. I was envious of their success. I did not know how to handle my failure, or so I thought of it then.

I was living day to day. Life happens like this. It teaches you and then perhaps just hits you right in the face. I was clueless. Every day was a struggle and only those who have been there, know what I am talking about. Sure, it was my choice to quit my job, but I did not know that things would be this bad. There were friends who did not remain friends anymore – they just did not keep in touch. They said they would help with my resume, but I knew better. They did not and it is alright. They had their reasons.

The thing is that life changes. For me it changed in May 2013. When I went for my interview with Flipkart and got my dream job. I mean, books matter to me the most and I remember being so overwhelmed when I got to know that I made it. I cried at the airport. What else could I do? The last two years were tough enough. I somehow made it through. It somehow worked. It fell into place. My mother always believed. A couple of friends never let go. May be sometime, you stop believing in yourself.

You need faith. In something or someone. I remember praying. Walking to Siddhi Vinayak. Going to Ajmer while I was there for the Jaipur Literature Festival in January 2013, and today I am one of the speakers for the Jaipur Literature Festival 2014. I cry easily. I get overwhelmed. I am humbled by life. It is all about the ups and downs I guess. All of it. You can mock faith all you want, but it does tide you over. The clichés make sense. This too shall pass. Good times are round the corner. Who do you believe in? What do you do when you are at the end of all belief? How do you move on?

Life has been tough. It has not been easy at all. But lessons have been learnt which will stay forever. And a big thank you (I cannot thank these people enough) and a big hug to these people for staying on and cheering me from the stands of life, even though I fell so many times.

Thank you: Mom, Neha, Anisha – love you always, Payal Saklani – for knowing me for such a long time and being there always, even when I thought you were not. I cannot love you enough. Thank you.

Thank you Arun Das – for being there throughout and giving me the opportunity when I needed it the most. Thanks a lot.

Husain – Thank you for being a part of my life, Rahul – I love you to bits, Ankiet, Visha – I don’t know what I would have done without you, Harsh – my soul-mate in so many ways, Nandini, Deepa, Rupa – my trilogy of life, Iyer – you made me laugh.

Niyati – for understanding and somehow sailing with me in the same boat – I love you, Ameya – again for trying for me and loving me, Gautam – my soul sister and you know it, Payal – for the opportunity, Ankita, Amit, Awadi and Narang – You have always been there, big hugs and wet kisses to the four of you, my pillars of strength.

Divya, Ekta (thank you baby), Menaka, for all the help when I needed it, Pramanik – for in your most subtle ways, you understood my pain and were there. Avantika – for listening to me, Neha (for trying for me), Sukanto and Arunima for talking to me about books and edging me on, Pallav – for listening so patiently as I whined, Pia – I love you, and last but not the least, Sarvesh – my rockstar. Sorry for the long thanks, you only deserve it and more.

Thank you 2013. You have been kind. Thank you.

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13 thoughts on “Hope

  1. Ghaati Ninja. (@ghaatidancer)

    I love you so much. Don’t ever forget that. Am so proud of you and where you are today. I know there is a lot of emotion behind each word you’ve written here, and what you’ve left unsaid is how special you are, and how this was a long time coming. But I wouldn’t expect you to ever say that. So I am. You are meant to have this life, so hold on to it tight. Kisses.

    Reply
    1. thehungryreader Post author

      You know baby, there are times when you meet some people and you know it. You know that they will always be there. You know that you will never let go. You are my person. You are my lobster (as Ross says so). You were my support system, when I did not have one and you continue to be. I love you so much.

      Reply
  2. arunimamazumdar

    I am so, so touched – extremely happy that whatever little we spoke about books, made you happy, made you believe in your dreams. Keep it going. You rock! 😉

    Reply
  3. Capt.P

    I love you and will continue to do so forever! You make my heart fill with joy and pride. You are my star Vivek! I cant wait to see and hear you speak in Jaipur while I cheer my lungs out. Big tight hug!

    Reply
  4. That's My Name (@iYatinGupta)

    I can connect with this post at so many levels. I literally went through shit in 2013 and I remember mentioning it to you once as well and then you had asked me to not to lose hope and I didn’t lose it.

    And one day, things came around. Not in the way I wanted to them to be, but still they did. Something is better than nothing. People left me at some point or the other but books didn’t.

    I have a lot of people to thank too, including you. So, thank you for your wise words at the time when I needed to hear them the most.

    I wish you all the best for the future and look forward to hearing you live at JLF’14! 🙂

    Reply
  5. Ekta (@EktaTibrewal)

    You know I love you and always will. I am certain that this is just the beginning of all the good times that is to come. The road ahead maybe bumpy, but you’ll always have me by your side. Now get your ass back home and buy me ice-cream! I miss you so much.

    Reply
  6. Pallav

    Vivek, is it true that you’re planning world domination in 2014 by reading maximum number of books in minimum amount of time? If you say no, that’s totally understandable. After all, no super-villain wants to let common public know of his plans, right?

    Reply
  7. A Myth (@Goddamittt)

    Extremely proud of you. Always believed that you will rage it in whatever you do and 2013’s best news was when you called to say you nailed that Flipkart job!! Immense respect for the way you have tried to be patient through all this.

    Always here for ya! Stay awesome and hope you get laid at JLF’14 😉

    Reply

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