Hope. It is so easy to let go of it and sometimes even easier to cling on to it. This year has been maddening. I have cried. I have contemplated suicide. I have spoken to my friends about things – been miserable, did not want to spend any time with anyone and then things have also changed. Time has humbled me. Time has taught me a lot. I was unemployed since the 1st of July 2011. Things were not going in my favour. I was almost close to depression. I would not attend family gatherings. I would not meet too many friends. I would ditch them. I was envious of their success. I did not know how to handle my failure, or so I thought of it then.
I was living day to day. Life happens like this. It teaches you and then perhaps just hits you right in the face. I was clueless. Every day was a struggle and only those who have been there, know what I am talking about. Sure, it was my choice to quit my job, but I did not know that things would be this bad. There were friends who did not remain friends anymore – they just did not keep in touch. They said they would help with my resume, but I knew better. They did not and it is alright. They had their reasons.
The thing is that life changes. For me it changed in May 2013. When I went for my interview with Flipkart and got my dream job. I mean, books matter to me the most and I remember being so overwhelmed when I got to know that I made it. I cried at the airport. What else could I do? The last two years were tough enough. I somehow made it through. It somehow worked. It fell into place. My mother always believed. A couple of friends never let go. May be sometime, you stop believing in yourself.
You need faith. In something or someone. I remember praying. Walking to Siddhi Vinayak. Going to Ajmer while I was there for the Jaipur Literature Festival in January 2013, and today I am one of the speakers for the Jaipur Literature Festival 2014. I cry easily. I get overwhelmed. I am humbled by life. It is all about the ups and downs I guess. All of it. You can mock faith all you want, but it does tide you over. The clichés make sense. This too shall pass. Good times are round the corner. Who do you believe in? What do you do when you are at the end of all belief? How do you move on?
Life has been tough. It has not been easy at all. But lessons have been learnt which will stay forever. And a big thank you (I cannot thank these people enough) and a big hug to these people for staying on and cheering me from the stands of life, even though I fell so many times.
Thank you: Mom, Neha, Anisha – love you always, Payal Saklani – for knowing me for such a long time and being there always, even when I thought you were not. I cannot love you enough. Thank you.
Thank you Arun Das – for being there throughout and giving me the opportunity when I needed it the most. Thanks a lot.
Husain – Thank you for being a part of my life, Rahul – I love you to bits, Ankiet, Visha – I don’t know what I would have done without you, Harsh – my soul-mate in so many ways, Nandini, Deepa, Rupa – my trilogy of life, Iyer – you made me laugh.
Niyati – for understanding and somehow sailing with me in the same boat – I love you, Ameya – again for trying for me and loving me, Gautam – my soul sister and you know it, Payal – for the opportunity, Ankita, Amit, Awadi and Narang – You have always been there, big hugs and wet kisses to the four of you, my pillars of strength.
Divya, Ekta (thank you baby), Menaka, for all the help when I needed it, Pramanik – for in your most subtle ways, you understood my pain and were there. Avantika – for listening to me, Neha (for trying for me), Sukanto and Arunima for talking to me about books and edging me on, Pallav – for listening so patiently as I whined, Pia – I love you, and last but not the least, Sarvesh – my rockstar. Sorry for the long thanks, you only deserve it and more.
Thank you 2013. You have been kind. Thank you.